It’s been three months.
But it feels like it’s been days.
I miss you.
It’s like my head has forgotten your existence but my heart still holds on hoping that one day you’ll come back.
But you’re not coming back.
I don’t know why, but I compare everyone to you.
Every boy. Every person I encounter.
I have so many stories I want to tell you.
But then I remember you’re gone.
And you’re not coming back.
I think back to the day you left and it brings tears to my eyes.
I knew when I left your house I’d never see you again.
And I haven’t.
But when you left this kid came in my life.
And every day he’s made the pain better.
I think he really loves me, this kid.
But it’s a different love than you felt.
It’ll seem crazy to you.. But I could see myself marrying this kid some day.
I really am starting to let him love me. Because I deserve that.
But a part of me holds on to you.
I remember when you told me you loved me.
But today I was with this kid. And he hugged me. And pulled away. And kissed me on the forehead.
Something I waited months for you to do.
And he said “you look beautiful today.”
I just had woken up.
I started to cry.
Because that was the universes sign. I’m not in love with you anymore.
I never even was.
You didn’t give a shit about me.
And this kid.. Everytime he looks at me I feel butterflies. I know what he looks like when he wakes up. He kisses me when I’m being sour.
He loves me. Not for sex, but for me.
And that’s all that I wanted from you.
Was to feel loved.
Like I was worth something. But I’ll never feel that way from you.
Only from him.
Maybe then we’ll be better for each other.